An Ode to Wal-Mart Workers

Everyone enjoys a quick shopping trip, right?

I mean, the ones where you know exactly what you need to get. There's no need for large decisions, wandering down aisles, and circling the store five times just hoping you see something you need. You go in, you get what you need, you check out, and you're done. Beautiful organization. In these shopping trips, it's of utmost importance that you remain anonymous in the checkout line. Your efficient trip comes to a quick end as you have your neat pile of necessities on the line, you pay, you grab your bag, and you're out of there.

Tonight, we were to have one of those trips.

Chaz and I were with my mom helping her get her classroom ready for the school year. We had to stop at Wal-Mart to get some items Mom needed for her room, we listed them as we walked in, and we planned on getting in there and getting out as I wanted to catch at least half of Design Star on HGTV tonight.

The beginning of the trip went smoothly. We grabbed everything we needed with graceful speed and precision. There was some slight indecision at one point, but that was quickly remedied, and we made for the checkout counter assured we'd be back in time for the show.

Going through the checkout line, Mom chatted a bit with the cashier (she was a past student). We paid, and were prepared to grab our sacks while Chaz was preparing to buy some Naked juice he was getting for Mom. In her friendly chatting, Mom says, "Stacy, this is my daughter Kate, and this is her husband, Chaz."

At this point, disaster hits our optimistic party. You know the keyboard sitting above the scanner that's on a pedestal at the cashier's station? Well, Chaz cries, "Oh shoot!" as his debit card slips from his hand (resting on the pedestal) into a crack and slides down the pedestal above the scanner.

I kid you not. Only Chaz could do this.

Immediately, Mom, the cashier, and I all laugh hysterically. The cashier says, "Don't worry, there's a chute that comes out down here!" She pulls a trashcan out from under the scanner, looks in it, crawls under the counter, looks all under it, and comes out unsuccessful. Chaz then asks, "Can I look?" And then he looks to no avail. Meanwhile, I peered into the crack that the debit card fell in, and I could see it propped up against the side of the chute, close to, but not quite down the hole that would have gotten us out of this mess quickly. The cashier grabbed a Swiffer duster, and then a ruler to try to get to the debit card, but neither of those worked. At this point, you can imagine we were attracting quite a bit of attention from other cashiers as well as customers.

Finally, one of the Wal-Mart associates contacted Doug, our savior. Doug came over and assured Chaz, "Don't worry, you're not the first person who's done this." To which Chaz responded, "Yeah, right!" Doug stripped out the scanner, grabbed a plastic hanger, pushed the debit card into the hole, and then emerged from underneath the scanner with debit card in hand. Immediately, we cheered and clapped and shouted, "Yay Doug!!!" At which Doug became bright red and scooted back to the employee room. Chaz was sure to remind all within hearing distance that it was Jane Schmidt's, local teacher, son-in-law who had done this. At which Mom became bright red and scooted us all out of the store.

After fifteen minutes, five Wal-Mart associates, and major surgery on the scanner, Chaz was able to use his debit card to pay his $2.73.